Toddler OCD?

Do toddlers - by definition - suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder? Can someone ease my fears that this walking, talking, 30-pound pile of neuroses won't always be so ridiculously obsessive?

Need a few examples? Here's what I recall from the last few days alone:

• Separate bowls and spoons are required for each food item at mealtime.
• At bath time, Mommy can run the water, place Robey in the tub and even play with the bath toys, but only Daddy can scrub his body and wash his hair.
• When counting steps, the second step from the top is always labeled, "TWO." You can number every other step however you wish but if you call any other step TWO, Robey will point out your error with conviction.
• For at least 30 minutes before pooping, he whines and whimpers and clings to you about the process and says, "I pooping, Mommy. I pooping," over and over again. He refuses to poop on the potty and won't even sit on it to pee if he feels a bowel movement coming on.
• On cake, Robey eats only the icing and never touches the actual cake, yet he refuses yellow cake when offered, even though it's covered with the same white frosting that was on the chocolate cake he ate the day before.
• When arriving at family member's homes in the evening, Robey complains about the monsters outside until someone in the house comes out to remove him from his car seat. He'll sit in the car alone without fear as you go inside to retrieve someone else - but refuses to let you take him in without "backup."
• He's afraid to watch any of the new, unfamiliar DVDs that he received for Christmas, starring such frightening characters as Mickey Mouse, Elmo and the Veggie Tales, yet he'll watch King Kong and Harry Potter without fear if they happen to show up on TV.
• He will throw a fit for up to 30 minutes if you serve him a banana cut into slices. Instead, he prefers to eat the banana in two large chunks or straight from the peel.

And yet - here's the good news: he threw away his beloved pacifiers last night without the slightest bit of remorse. We spent a few days not using them and talked about how they were causing sores on his tongue, then asked him if he was ready to throw them away. He was. So he plopped them unceremoniously into the trash can one by one.

It's scenes like that one that give me hope and keep everything in perspective. So, whenever I start to worry that we're facing a giant hurdle, obsession or battle that we'll never get past, I'm going to remember those colorful, plastic pacifiers settling comfortably into the trash alongside Robey's dirty diapers and the remains of his untouched dinner.

Comments

[Sarah]

That actually makes me feel much better. Tammy and I were discussing this exact thing yesterday.

[Alison]

You were talking about toddler obsessiveness too? That's funny.

I think it's mostly about the love of routine and the sense of control that toddlers need ...

But I feel like I've been butting heads with Robey on these issues non-stop lately - partly because my levels of patience are thin right now since I'm pregnant, but also because I've made a conscious decision not to give in to every one of his absurdly obsessive demands ...

Of course, most of the time it's just easier to give in and provide the THIRD spoon or the GREEN blankey or whatever it is he's demanding.

[erin]

We've been battling with this issue at our house as well. How much is just too much? And where do we draw the line? When Jack freaks out because someone accidently touched him while he climbed into bed, and then insists he climb down and start all over again? Or when I'm forced to wash the same Boots spoon for every meal? Or his new favorite: you can't attempt to remove his pull up unless he's comletely laying down. If he's anything but flat on his back when you so much as touch his clothing, its "ruined Mommy! you ruined it!" Ug.

[Marcy]

At least Robey dosn't throw a fit every single time you take him to daycare. I droped Max off today for the first time in ages. I asked his teacher if he cries everyday, she said that he does. By the time I walked out of the room and looked in the window he was done crying and doing just fine. I think he must try to make us feel guilty. I think it works a little better on me than Rob.

I heard Robbie wouldn't get out of the car the other night because he decided the pompas grass was a lion. That may be a little neurotic, but very cute!

[karen]

Out of curiosity- are these *first children* for all of you? I don't know what that has as far as importance to this post, but was wondering...

I can't get Maeve to even think of the potty, and she'll be three in March. I even got a Potty Elmo- but, his battery never worked after the first trial run on k=his little plastic potty. Even Elmo doesn't want to cooperate!!

[Alison]

Thanks, all. I knew I wasn't alone in suspecting all toddlers of having clinical OCD.

Karen: Yes. Firsts all the way around with these crazy two-to-three year olds. Some of us have more than one but the toddlers we're raising right now are our first-borns. Robey will be 3 in March too. I'll have to add Maeve to his growing list of out-of-state prospects.

[Tammy]

My OCD child is actually almost 7. I think all toddlers go through that kind of thing for awhile, sometimes just because they need a routine...

[jen]

I agree with needing a routine, just like adults do. Some people get very crazy if too many things happen that were out of routine for them -- they weren't in control.
Anyone ever watch Nanny 911?
Kids are becoming more aware of their bodies and are just expressing their concerns about "touchiness" and bathing with one parent and not the other. At least Robey still lets you play with him -- Have Fun!!
I'm sure these particular Attutudes don't last into adulthood.
Robey's antics sound cutesy to me.
Does he let other females bath him?
It's nice he wants to do stuff with his dad. You'll look back and relish these creative challenges he's blessed you with.

[Becky]

Yeah, definitely. OCD. Definitely. Yeah. Definitely.

[Ton]

Oh, I remember those days! My son lined magic markers end to end to make a huge line all across the living room. Same with Hot Wheels. He never actually played with them, just lined them up. The fun started when he got out the Crayons. They were put side by side, but then he would have a meltdown because they weren't all the same length because some had been used and some hadn't. He still occasionally gets a new fork for a different food item--and he's 11!

[normy]

Hi,
My cousin, 3.6-month old girl has been diagnosed with PDD-NOS and she is exhibiting OCD behaviors. Is there any link bewteen PDD and OCD? Thanks

[MarshaGriggs]

What a great website with info we can all relate to. I found you in a search because I Was thinking the exact same thing about OCD adnd my two year old!

[Paul]

Technically speaking, Robey has OCD. I'm loathe to diagnose him on the internet, but you should seriously consider taking him to an OCD specialist. Hopefully you can stem the tide - and he won't grow up to be a freak!

[jen]

A freak? A specialist?
Too many freaks have been to too many specialists. Too many SANE people haven't been anywhere but know everything. When's it all gonna end with the analyzing and specializing. Good gracious! Let kids be kids these days.

[Wassim]

Hi there, having read your description of the types of things Robey I have the following advice for you (having taken a billion or so psychology and neuroscience courses)
1. Don't listen to anyone on the internet, not even me.
2. Just because his characteristics fit into a certain profile, its not the end of the world. It could just be a phase, or could be a completely different diagnosis with similar variables.

Having said that, it is more likely for a child to cry when left at the daycare, than for the child to have this many rituals. I recommend you bring these things up with your GP/Pediatrician. Could be anything ranging from nothing, to OCD, to autism (eg: does Robey look people in the eye or does he stare at their lips).

Don't worry, be happy.

[Tracey]

Hi, i have 3yr old son, i don't feel that his behaviour is normal.After daycare he must throw his bag out of car, step out shut door and then walk to front door, if anyone opens door he has to go back and start again until he opens front door.Meal times are even weirder because his plate has to be neat n tidy, untouched & perfect.If any food lands on any other food, he will refuse to eat his whole meal.Same as it seems alot of you other mothers, he lines cars up obsessively, over and over again! This is my middle child.Great kid, very different.xxx

[Aurora]

I think my three-year-old brother may have OCD, or maybe some premature OCD.

He has his obsessions, obviously, some being: No pooping in the potty, eating with certain dishes, having to start things over when they don't happen to his perfection (i.e. Climbing into bed, walking up the stairs, putting his cover over himself...), we have this island in a hallway inside our house he *has* to walk around every time he wants to go into the kitchen. It's kind of...odd.

I had OCD, and still do though milder. I do see this being a possible issue, but every time I try to tell my mother anything baout his behavior, I'm ignored, and she tells me I shouldn't tell her how to mother him.

And I fully understand that, but as much as yes, he is a kid growing, and maybe it's a faze, but fact is, I've grown up around six kids, and this seems more than just a child's faze. I'm just...I guess trying to get her to get him checked to see that he's ok, you know?

I wish I didn't have to, but fact is, I've been Obsessive-Compulsive, and I know what it is. I just get that feeling that he has some obsessions and compulsions he cannot control. Or, they have been encrypted in his mind by something. In which case it would be an Obsessive-Compulsive Personality onset.

I wish there was more I could do...

[MommySon]

I have a 2.5 year old and I was concerned that she was showing some OCD behaviors similar to what everyone is mentioning here.

Having read all of the posts, it's obvious that it's just a normal Toddler learning phase and anyone that thinks we should have our kids checked by a doctor is crazy and unnecessarily making parents worry.

Those that think we should take them to a doctor probably also believe that kids don't run fevers or have runny noises when teething.

Please stop scaring these parents to death by telling them that their very normal toddlers may have OCD.

[Danielle]

Thank you!!!!!! I am so happy, I am in tears and have the goosebumps. I thought we were alone with Justin's behavior. He displays many of the same "OCD qualities" as your children and you have made it seem normal. I have new hope for my beautiful son.

[Jessica]

My son is a bit worse than Robbie, I think at least. He seems to be a control freak and an O.C.D case.

For bed time, He has to take 5 stuft animals- Piggy, aligator, dragon, baby bear and "monster" and stand on the side of the bedroom door and peak their heads over the corner so I can say "oh you get in bed, it's night night time". If I do not do this he totally freaks out!, Then I have to count all of his fingers,( in a specific order) and all of his toes ( in a specific order) if it I do not do it right or miss a finger I have to take it from the top! THEN, we have to sing 4 songs together in a specific order, again if I start one off out of order, again from the top of the list. Sometimes this can take up to an hour.
When I leave the house with out him or anyone for that matter, he has to be the one to unlock and open the door. If the door is already unlocked, he will lock it so he can unlock it. Then he opens the door, then he has to kiss you exactly 3 times before you are 'allowed' to leave, then he has to try to explain the best way to take to leave the apartment complex. Then after the person has permission to leave, lol.. He has to locked the door, you can not help him or stay to close to the door, and the blinds have to be pulled up to a certain point, so he can watch who ever leave.
No one can use the bathroom alone, let alone flush their own toliet in this home! We can't do the laundry, because he wants to. I mean I give my son huge credit for being so outgoing and independent but he is really driving me crazy.
He tries to tell me "NO MAMMA" when I do something that has nothing to do with him!
I do hope he grows out of this if that is possible!

[steph]

kids need routine to feel safe and in control of their lives. but they also need to see that if routine is not followed and they are not in control that they are *still* safe. i think it is our job as parents to show them this - even if it means a tantrum or fear reaction. and if it's a tantrum - they're not scared, their mad that you're taking away control! so it's damn well time you show them who *is* in control - you!

[Stacy]

Hi All
I a mom of a beautiful 2.5 year old little boy . Who refuses to play with any of his toys . It makes it so hard when kids come over to play and he wont play with anything nor will he let of these kids touch his things .He goes into panic mode and has a fit!!
I was told that he may have a form of autisim , My response to that was , PLEASE!!!
I think it is a phase that I and every one in out home has to deal with for the mean time . Im not going to run off to the Dr, our Dr will only tell us not to worry he is fine it is a phase.
I will give it some time and if it does not seem to get better and for some reason tends to get worse I well then go and consult with our peditrition ..
My advice , keep a journel of behaviors and a time line and see if things get worse .. If things get better it was only a phase~ !!

My son was horiable at his peditrtion, deathy afraid of this man . It took 3 nurses My self and my husband to hold him down , It was to the point that every one held there breath when he came through the door, He was THAT bad! This went on for 2 years!
I was dreading his 2. 5 appointment last month, and guess what?
He walked in said hi to all the ladies in the office and was perfect and did everything the DR asked of him . WE could not believe this was our son.
Point is children just snap out of things/and phases literlally sometimes over night! :)
Stay patient !!
and Good luck all ~

[Allie]

Wow, I came here like the rest of you wondering if my 2.5 year old is normal or OCD. Reading all this makes me feel much better. I'm not the only one who has to stand in a certain spot to play ball, or get his cereal and pour it in a specific routine. And yes, he always has to shut the light back off, close the door, etc and then re-do it if you didn't let him do it the first time.

[Emma]

After reading all your posts i now realise my two year daughter isnt as bad as i thought. She will sit for ages stacking books but all the spines have to face the same way, she does the usual lining all her teddys up in a row and is adament about her bed time routine but she has a problem not mentioned here,
She becomes heart broken if she gets mud or smow on her shoes or wellies and she once saw her toy (igglepiggle) on tv with mud on him and she through a dicky fit also she will not eat her food in she has anything on her hands. Is this normal toddler behaviour or should i be a little concerned.

[Tim]

Well, I don't see much professional advice here, but seeing the amount of responses of people that go through this makes me feel better. My wife and I have four kids 14,11,3,2--somehow we blocked this issue out of our minds and don't remember our first two being this way. Today was the straw that made me want to look into this online and I found this site. Every day my kids come home from day care and the 3 year old completely melts down about everything. Screams, cries, etc. We mark it up to tired and hungry. but lately he has been incessant about words and actions. Such as repeating requests over and over and over. Or needing to have his shoes on until he eats and then they have to be off and they have to be placed in the closet. he always has to have the same toy cars and same sippy cups and he melts down if he doesn't have them. I was starting to wonder if he did have ocd, then I read this. ...and I've come to the conclusion that his mom and I are just crazy!!!:)