Um. I Have Really Healthy Fingernails.

It used to be that I wouldn't bother with aerobics classes that were less than 90 minutes long. If I had to settle for a 60-minute class, I'd try to spend at least 20 minutes lifting weights or climbing the StairMaster beforehand. Back then, I made it to the gym at least four days a week and ran three to four miles on my easy workout days. Now, I'm lucky if I can squeeze in two days a week at the gym, and I'll settle for 20 minutes on the treadmill if that's all the time I can afford.

A lot has changed between now and then: pregnancies, motherhood, job changes, re-locations and various other stressors. Not to mention the toll that ten years or so can take on your body. And how does my body reflect those changes? With sore joints, cellulite, weight gain and stretch marks.

I know. It's really not fair for me to talk about weight gain when I'm nine months pregnant. And it's probably ill-advised for me to talk about my body image when my standard, non-pregnant dress size is smaller than most women's target dress size. And maybe nobody cares if I'm never quite satisfied with the way I look in a bikini. Because who ever is? Really?

But that's my point. Even back when I was working out daily and maintaining an athletic body fat percentage well below 20 percent, I still wasn't completely happy with my body. In fact, I'm not sure that I was any happier with it then than I am with it now: round, bloated, stretched, itchy and carrying around an extra 30 pounds.

Why am I writing about this? A week or so ago, Erin had a post about Barbie dolls. I started to respond with a comment that said some of these same things, but the comment became too long, so I decided to back out of that comment and write about it here instead. But then I got busy. Or lazy. Or bloated. Or something. I was reminded of it again today, however, when I read a touching post by Gidge that documents the things she admires about her friends' appearances.

I love that she takes the time to point out the positive traits in her friends, but why is it so hard to point out our own positive traits? Even when I was fit and trim and 25, I looked in the mirror and pointed out the negatives in myself.

So what's the trick to maintaining a healthy body image? I'm not sure, but I don't think it has anything to do with being satisfied with what you see in the mirror. That's too unrealistic. Except for the most narcissistic among us, we are all too pre-programmed to focus on the negative.

Instead, I think what's really important is to be satisfied with the fact that you'll never really be satisfied with what you see in the mirror. Let me say that again to myself: you will never be satisfied with what you see in the mirror. Accept it.

I'm not saying we should throw our hands in the air and give up completely on improving ourselves, but we should at least acknowledge that our expectations are unrealistic. And it doesn't have anything to do with Barbie. It's just in our nature to point out our own weaknesses physically.

It's hard for me right now when everything about my body seems too big for its own good, but I try to notice as many good traits as I do bad traits when I look in the mirror. Even if that means focusing on my fingernails and my eyelashes, it's what keeps me sane even on my worst hair days. I'll admit it doesn't always work. Especially when trying on bathing suits in a poorly lit dressing room. But most of the time, it makes me feel okay about this scarred, mottled, discolored body I call my own.

I mean, this soft, groomed, well-rounded body I call my own. There. Much better. Now you try.

Comments

[Tammy]

Wow. That was great - thanks!

[jen]

When I look back on our pics, I think the best thing about them is our smiles and how our eyes light up. Even on the worst hair days I still think we are beautiful.

I have always thought I look better with clothes on than off. Bikini? Ugh! In FL recently I was the only one on the beach with shorts and t-shirt on. The hubby had to coax me to reveal myself to strangers. He's been taking so many candid shots of me that I'm starting to believe messy hair is pretty hair. A big pimple on the chin -- glamorous.

Or maybe it's the tequila again.

p.s. i've always envied your compexion and you do have great nails and shapely legs. just remember beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. sometimes flawless beauty can turn ugly after 2 min of conversation.

[Bridgette]

You know what is funny. I think my favorite body image of myself is hugely bloated and pregnant. I felt best then.
Even when I felt terrible.
I think it is hard to realize sometimes that THIS is how we look. Because it isn't how we wanted to look, I suppose.

[Sarah]

Right after my babies were born I remember feeling incredibly skinny. (I lost something like 28 pounds in the first two weeks, two babies, two placentas and all the bonus fluid etc.)

I told my Mom how thin I felt and she said "You still look pregnant".

I'm sure it was 100% true, but it is all about perspective. I felt skinny. The only other time I can ever remember feeling skinny was right after I had mono.

[Alison]

Tammy: Thank YOU!

Jen: I like your hair and your slender figure and your large, innocent eyes.

Bridgette: When I was about 4 months pregnant with Robey, I remember thinking distincly that THIS is what my body had been wanting to do for years. I'd been fighting it off with birth control, diet and exercise, but all along - for at least the last 10 years - my body had wanted larger breasts, wider hips and an expanded gut ... and it was finally claiming its rights to all of those things.

Sarah: You didn't feel skinny when you had that cigarette in your belly button?

[Sarah]

Actually, that wasn't long after I had mono. So... maybe?

I will try to find a picture of me from that party with Jill and Dana. It will help explain why I always felt fat. I just had very thin, very pretty friends.

At that time, I also hated being so tall. It was embarrassing. Now I wish I were even taller. My Dad always said he was just short for a guy his weight.

[Erin]

Great post.

It really is all about finally, or maybe never, being satisfied with ourselves. I realize my Hippo Diet stuff and starting weights was a lot women's ideal weight. And I caught some crap for that. But, in the end, it's not about weight. It's about being satisfied.

Now...in these mother bodies of ours...will we ever be satisfied? I think so. Only because after Jackson, I lost all the weight and then some...exercised...and I felt really good. I just want to be there again. Will I? Who knows.

[jen]

Erin says good stuff. When will I ever be satisfied?
When I get a house?
When I get a boat?
When I have blond hair?
When I'm rich?
When I have children?
When I have a new job?
When the children move out?
When I'm retired?
When I'm living in FL?

Maybe I should quit TRYING to be satisfied and just BE.

Sounds like a nike commercial -- JUST BE.

[Cara Fletcher]

Pregnancy changes many things.Your body changes most.After the birth you have to fight with cellulite and sometimes overweight in order to have beautiful and healthy body.