First sounds

When Zanna is hungry and pleading to nurse, she says, hnnn, hnnn, hnnn - not ma, ma, ma - yet every word of this passage from Amy Tan's The Bonesetter's Daughter rings true to me:

If there was a language, it was an ancient one that likely existed only in that time ...What does a person need to say? What man, woman, or child does he need to say it to? What do you think was the very first sound to become a word, a meaning? ...

I imagined two people without words, unable to speak to each other. I imagined the need: The color of the sky that meant "Storm." The smell of the fire that meant "Flee." The sound of a tiger about to pounce. Who would worry about such things?

And then I realized what the first word must have been: ma, the sound of a baby smacking its lips in search of her mother's breast. For a long time, that was the only word the baby needed. Ma, ma, ma. Then the mother decided that was her name and she began to speak, too. She taught the baby to be careful: sky, fire, tiger. A mother is always the beginning. She is how things begin.

Zanna turned 6 months old last week, and we almost missed it. We did miss it, to tell you the truth. I didn't realize until a day later that half a year had gone by with her tiny nose, long legs and quick temper filling our life. It goes so fast with your third child. When Robey was an infant, I anticipated every milestone with such wonder. I couldn't wait to feed him his first bite of cereal and start introducing foods at every meal. I'm not sure what I was thinking, but for some reason introducing solids and spooning mush into his mouth seemed easier than nursing.

With Zanna, I just want to nurse. Nothing seems simpler than breast feeding right now. Nothing is rushing me to fill her diet with mashed fruit and whole grains and strained peas. We're giving her a little bit here and a little bit there of each of those things, and she loves every bite - but she also loves nursing herself to sleep and waking up with the food source she's craved since birth. As for me, I love the sound of her hnnn, hnnn, hnnns and the primal ability to satisfy her eager desire to eat.

Comments

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

It must be so cool to have that third shot at parenting. To be a pro.

I feel like I spent my whole time (especially at six months) just trying to keep everybody alive. I didn't have time to enjoy anything.

Make sure to remember it.

[rachel]

Alison, that's lovely.

[Mich]

I love the passages from The Bonesetter's Daughter. Amy Tan is so fantastic, and I love how you tied it to Zanna perfectly and at just the right time in her life.

Sarah is right. Not all mothers get the opportunity to so thoroughly enjoy the early months of life. You and Zanna are very fortunate. I'm so glad that you are treasuring it. (Not that it's always easy!)

[amba]

Third time's the charm.